BEAUTY

Candice Marie Benbow is a writer and public theologian whose work focuses on women's healing and wholeness.

WE LOVE TO START OUR INTERVIEWS WITH A LITTLE QUESTION, SO TELL US ONE FUN FACT ABOUT YOURSELF?
I think “In the Heat of the Night” is the best television series ever made and I watch it every day!
I’ve literally seen every episode at least ten times!!!

IN 2015 YOU STARTED ‘RED LIP THEOLOGY’, WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START THIS?
In 2012, before I started divinity school, I’d experienced the ending of another relationship and I’d really let myself go. I’d gained a significant amount of weight and didn’t care anything about my appearance. Things came to a head when my best friend came to visit me that year for my birthday and lovingly took me to task for the lack of investment I was making in myself and made me promise to rebuild my wardrobe and wear makeup daily.

So, while I was at Duke Divinity School, I was honoring this commitment I made to my best friend and really studying what it means to be a “good creation”. When God created the world, God has always looked at it as good and never wavered from that. When girls and women put on makeup, we often believe we’re putting our best foot forward and enhancing our God-given beauty. I thought, “wouldn’t it be dope if we combined theological principles with our love for all things beauty to constantly remember who we are and who we were meant to be?”
………. Essentially, through asking that question, Red Lip Theology was born!

HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE ‘BEAUTY’?
To me, beauty is anything that reminds us of how good God is. You can see a horizon and be in awe of it because it’s simply breathtaking and you’ll take a minute to remember that nobody can make something that majestic other than God. And you can look at a piece of art, admire it and realize that only God could have created the person who created that. And yes–I believe you can walk past the finest person you’ve ever seen in your life and it will cause you to stop and recite that scripture, “this is the Lord’s doing and it is marvelous in my sight!” LOL

Ultimately, I think as girls and women, we’re inundated with so many messages about beauty that we often forget it resonates from within. I know there have been so many times I’ve forgotten that and my attitude and behaviors betrayed who I knew I needed to be. Whether it was jealousy, arrogance or being mean-spirited, I radiated that from within and it projected out. So, no matter how cute I thought I was or how cute others thought I was, I wasn’t being beautiful because, in those instances, nothing about me reminded anyone of how good God is.

So, I always try to keep that at the forefront of all I’m doing and who I want to be. If it points to God’s goodness, it’s beautiful.

WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ON THE BEAUTY INDUSTRY TODAY AND THE INFLUENCE IT HAS?
I’m really excited about all the diversity and inclusion that’s happening within the beauty industry right now! It wasn’t too long ago when I would look at ads, campaigns, and models and not see anyone who looks like me.

And honestly, I think younger millennials, Gen Z and even some within the Alpha Generation have a lot to do with that. They’ve pushed us to see that beauty doesn’t just come in one form and they’ve pushed the industry to recognize how they’ve been harmful in that regard. In many ways, I think the times and the people are influencing the beauty industry more than it is influencing us.

At the same time, I’m not naïve nor am I about to lie and say I still don’t look at certain body types that get highlighted in certain spaces and wonder what my life would be like if I had one. I think comparison gets the best of us sometimes and we just have to be honest about that. And there are some who haven’t been able to fully see themselves as good creation so, even with all the diversity and inclusion within the industry, they still pick themselves apart because they long to be someone else. This is when we have to scoop them up and remind them that all this beauty stuff is just that–stuff–and it’s only enhancing what God gave them and they’re absolutely perfect without it.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO GIRLS WHO ARE DOUBTING THEIR BEAUTY? WHAT SORT OF SCRIPTURES DO YOU READ OVER WHEN YOU ARE DOUBTING YOURSELF AND YOUR BEAUTY?
You’re talking to someone who tried to cut their lips off in middle school because I was tired of the “bubblicious” jokes. There were times when I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry because I wasn’t as pretty or as skinny as the girls who got the attention from the guys I liked. I don’t ever want to minimize those feelings because they’re real. We live in a world that overemphasizes certain forms of beauty and tells the rest of us we don’t have any. Living in that world is hard and, no matter how old we are, we deserve the space to be honest about how that’s impacted–or impacting–us.

At the same time, I want you to know that it does get better. If I could tell that girl in the mirror with the scissors anything, it would be that those days aren’t her defining ones. From an industry standpoint, I’d brush the dust off her shoulders and tell her that people are paying for what God gave her for free! But, more than that, I want her to know she has her whole life ahead of her and the excitement of that will always mean more than what others say about her.

I don’t think we tell younger girls that enough. Yes-it’s mean and the words are hurtful. I will never dismiss that. But what’s ahead for you, the way you can chart your life to be everything God created you to be matters so much more. And here’s the other thing: as you’re journeying towards that, you’re also learning and growing with your body more. You’re getting to know you and, when you know who you are, there’s a peace that settles into you that nobody can shake. At 39, I can finally say I know who I am. It took a lot of bumps and bruises, though, and I don’t want the same for you. I want you to get to this peace much quicker than I did. Half the battle of getting there is knowing you’ll be okay…because you will be okay. You already are.

My absolute favorite text in scripture is John 14:1-4. Whenever I read Jesus’ words, “let not your heart be troubled”, I instantly find peace. So much of my girlhood was being restless about who I was and my place in this world. In this text, Jesus is literally saying “don’t worry about…I got you.” He’s telling us that, if we can believe God for the big and universal things then we can trust him for the “little” things. We can trust him to help us keep our focus when things want to distract us and tell us the enemy’s lies. Whenever I’m doubting myself, I go back to that text and find center again.

AS WOMEN HOW CAN WE EMPOWER ONE ANOTHER AND BUILD EACH OTHER UP?    
I think we empower and build each other up by continuing to affirm each other. I’m glad that we’re able to compliment each other’s hair, makeup, outfits and overall appearance without it becoming a competition. In a world that wants to pit women against each other, we’ve got to choose differently and seek the healthier, higher way.

DO YOU HAVE ANY LIFE ADVICE YOU WOULD LIKE TO GIVE OUR READERS?
If there’s anything I could tell you that I genuinely hope you hear, it’s that I want you be gentle with yourself and give yourself grace. We can often be entirely too hard on ourselves, carrying guilt and shame for things we feel we should’ve known, shouldn’t have done or didn’t know. In this life, mistakes will be made. Some of those mistakes were honest ones and some of them will be results of foolish decision-making. No matter where we find ourselves, we’ve got to extend to ourselves the grace and compassion that allows us to learn from our mistakes and remember that we are not the worst thing we’ve ever done. While we are a sum total of all of our experiences, we are always love and light pointing to a path and purpose greater than ourselves.

WE WOULD LOVE TO KEEP FOLLOWING ALONG WITH YOU ON THIS JOURNEY, DO YOU HAVE ANY UPCOMING VENTURES OR PROJECTS?  
My first book, Red Lip Theology, will be released by Convergent Books in February of next year so I’m really excited about that! And my new podcast debuts in April so I’m really excited about that! To keep up with my comings and goings, you can always hit my website www.candicebenbow.com and follow me on Twitter and Instagram @candicebenbow

THANK YOU CANDICE

xx